Becca, I've done nothing but argue with my partner, even after a romantic Valentine's Day. Any advice?
Screaming Throat Chakra

Dear Screaming,
Of course, I believe in balancing your chakras so that you feel secure, compassionate, loving and in tune with your own feelings and those of others.

Another tool that is important is just LISTENING. The door to cooperation opens when everyone’s feelings and needs are understood, spoken and heard. But the key to opening that door is listening.

Practice listening to what other people actually mean (regardless of their words), and to express your desires in ways that are more likely to be heard and met. This happens when you are in touch with your feelings and needs and able to express them through an open Throat Chakra.

Try expressing your feelings and thoughts with honesty, even in the midst of uncomfortable emotions or conflict.

Listening empathically to yourself and others is the first skill to master, and Compassionate Communications (also known as Non-Violent Communications or NVC) can help.

NVC teaches to simply listen with our minds and hearts open to whatever is being shared and to say what we think we're hearing. When you listen, understand and reflect back to a person the essence of what they said, they often can hear themselves more clearly and light up with relief and joy.

It's also important to listen to your own inner self, because we’re not always aware of exactly what is going on inside of us. Underneath painful emotions, there is often some part of us that wants to be known. Listen to my guided Chakra Meditations to connect to your feelings and center yourself, then try expressing yourself and your needs in a calm and centered way.

For more info on NVC, see www.nonviolentcommunication.com. For courses and products you can access from your home or office computer, check out www.nvctraining.com.

Namaste!
Becca Chopra, author of The Chakra Diaries

When you're caught up in an argument with your partner, family member or colleague, typically, you're locked into anger and thinking you're right and the other person is wrong. If this happens often, work on balancing your solar plexus and heart chakras to be more confident and loving.

Or change your own presence and state in the disagreement. As Einstein said, "You can't solve a problem on the same level you created it."

So, here's what to do the next time you're in an argument with someone you love, even when you know you're right:

First off, see if you can get in touch with what you might be afraid of. (Underneath our anger, there's always some kind of fear.)

Acknowledge to your partner that you're afraid. When you go from saying what you're angry about to saying what you're scared about, it shifts the whole tone of the conversation.

Take a deep breath and say something like: "I'm afraid we're not going to get through this. Or I'm afraid you'll leave me."

Sometimes you don't know what the fear is about, so you can just say: "I'm afraid, and I don't know what I'm afraid about. "

When you say "I'm scared," it instantly creates a connection with your partner, and you're able to shift out of the argument just like that. And, THEN you have the opportunity to bring the conversation to a new, more loving and conscious level.

Thanks to Gay & Katie Hendricks for this wonderful advice on Conscious Partnering.
Namaste! Becca Chopra, author of The Chakra Diaries

The villains in my novel, The Chakra Diaries, are ones we all want to avoid: illness, lost love, false beliefs, but it is these very perilous obstacles that drive the stories and finally lift the characters and can do the same for you.

In fact, many holistic healers believe false beliefs to be the cause of all problems in our lives. Through no fault of your own, your family, your society, your environment instilled beliefs in you as a child that may no longer be serving you. In fact, they may be the underlying cause of all your pain and failures.

Beliefs control our lives; they create our reality. We only see and experience what we believe. But you can examine your beliefs - right now - and revamp those that aren't working for you.

Do you believe all rich people are evil, illness will get you attention or sympathy, there's no such thing as a good marriage? Ask yourself, "What are my beliefs about money, health, love, relationships?" or about any area of your life that isn't working out the way you'd like.

Pick an area and explore your beliefs about it. Write them down. What feelings do these beliefs bring up?

These beliefs have determined your experiences, have actually "controlled" this area of your life. Now, you can choose to propel yourself in the direction you choose by choosing positive beliefs, such as "There is abundance for everyone," "The more money I have, the more I can help others."

You may find the new beliefs you write down to be the exact opposite of the ones you had before. But they are what create success for others and can do that for you too.

Imagine your life if you were to live according to these new beliefs. Take on the new beliefs in small steps, according to your comfort level, and let me know if your life moves toward your new vision.
Namaste!
Becca@thechakras.org

I like to take a positive approach, and talk about ways to strengthen and heal relationships. But, an ounce of prevention....

If you want a happy relationship, forgo these actions:
1. Blame and Criticize
This probably tops them all! Instead, praise what you like, and you'll get more of it. Criticize and your partner will shut down. Hasn't blame and criticism aimed in your direction had the same effect?

2. Deny Responsibility for Your Actions
It's related to blame in that you get to point your finger at someone else or at an entity such as an organization. Increase your personal power and take responsibility for your own choices - that's all you have control over.

3. Order People Around
Any joy the other person might have had in doing something for you is instantly lost when they're told to do it.

4. Threaten People
When others think they may be punished or have something taken away as a result of not doing things your way, this sets the platform for lying, cheating, conniving, manipulation, crime and other horrific things.

Hopefully, you'll forgo these four "relationship busters" and find ways to feel good about yourself (and in control) while also spreading good feelings around.

If you want tools to enhance your relationships, I wholeheartedly recommend Nonviolent Communication (NVC) - a powerful process that facilitates trust, openness and optimism and inspires people to work together in genuine partnership.

Learning NVC is fun, informative, and engaging. Take a look at all the great tools available at http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/freeresources/resources.htm

Like the characters in The Chakra Diaries, I hope you find and keep love in your life.
Namaste!
Becca Chopra

We hear over and over again about sex addiction in celebrities and politicians. At the same time, a majority of married women were recently surveyed and reported a lack of sexual activity. While there are many causes for sexual dysfunction, if you're over- or under-sexed, you might want to consider balancing your chakras.

The first or Root Chakra is linked to safety and security, and sexual function in men - the penis is governed by the Root Chakra, which deals with basic instincts. This chakra is situated at the base of the spine, and its main function is to keep us grounded and alive and is associated with physical sensation.

In women, their reproductive organs are in the sacral area, and the second or Sacral Chakra governs their love, passion, sexuality and creativity. This chakra is found in the pelvic area below the navel. Its main function is related to procreation and the giving and receiving of sexual pleasure and emotion.

If your energy is stuck at the Sacral Chakra, your sex and your love life will be stuck as well. Accumulated stress in the body, whether emotional or physical, erects barriers to the natural flow of our life energy. So, too much stress may equal no love or even any prospects for it.

Using yoga to balance the Sacral Chakra, you can practice the cobbler's pose to encourage life energy to flow throughout the pelvic area. Swimming, dancing, meditation and anything that encourages pleasure will also stimulate the Sacral Chakra, which is associated with the element of water, and the ebbing and flowing of bodily fluids, like the tides.

If you fantasize about sex all the time or have sex outside of a relationship, your energy may be swirling out of control in the Root or Sacral Chakra, causing havoc in your life. A lack of balance in these two chakras can be caused by a need for attention and nurturing that is never enough. Sometimes, we learn to resort to unusual ways of getting what we need. The sex addict is seeking attention in an unhealthy, distorted and possibly destructive way.

We all need love, nurturing and support, but need to find it first within ourselves with a healthy, balanced Root Chakra. After we develop a sense of self, we can continue at the Sacral Chakra to find our place within a healthy relationship.

Dear Searcher:
It's best to start at the beginning, balancing yourself so that you will be the perfect mate for the one you seek.

As the seat of passion, the base chakra builds a white-hot fire under our excitement, hones our instincts to a razor’s edge and dips our lover in irresistible aromas and hues that scratch our itch. Although fantasizing about our lover may fan the flames of wanton desire and fill our Blackberrys with salacious text messages, too much can create an inability to settle and a hyperactivity of the mind. Enter the grounding of the base chakra, otherwise known as the point at which the ladder to heaven rests.

Ironically if our base chakras are imbalanced, we may have a hard time accepting love or pleasure. There may actually be a large gap between what we could have, and what we allow ourselves to have.

As Saraha Doha has said, “…there are no other temples as blissful as our own bodies.”  We must make a pilgrimage to them, enter and come to know them. Our bodies await our acceptance, our validation, our love and deepest understanding.

Let us build our path to meaningful love brick by brick, forging ourselves into a lightning rod of spiritual growth and development by eating a diet replete with protein, avoiding heavily processed foods and those made with simple sugars. Let us stabilize and anchor by practicing the warrior pose, dance and drum to strengthen our bodies and spirits and nurture a regimen of daily meditation to release any excess activity from our ever-inquiring minds and wondrous bodies.

May we go boldly forward on our journey with resolute focus and unwavering faith. We will rid our minds of disbelief that love does not have our name on the list for as William Shakespeare has been quoted, “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win.”

The stories in The Chakra Diaries start with Estrella's story, where she balances her root chakra. Like all the characters, her love life is a mess until she achieves balance. But, succeed they do, and you can too!

Namaste! Becca Chopra, author of The Chakra Diaries