"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said."
When your partner or spouse yells at you, or expresses anger for no apparent reason, do you internalize it and feel you're somehow at fault?
Someone I counsel was recently having this problem and I asked her, "Have you asked what is going on with him, rather than wondering if his anger is really about you?"
Often, the people in our lives respond in ways that simply baffle us. In such situations, we may think, "He's so unreasonable." "He must have had a bad day at work." Or we have a tendency to tell a story about what we think was behind the other person's action. We spend a tremendous amount of energy wondering what the other person was thinking, blaming him, and feeling, sad, hurt, angry, and resentful. I have seen people in pain for years because they never took a moment to ask for clarity.
I suggest a new process from a method called Non Violent Communications. Engage your curiosity by asking what is going on with the other person. For example, "You know, when you expressed your anger just now, I felt baffled. I'd like to know what exactly what is going on." Notice that this statement doesn't place blame on either party. It simply expresses your confusion and your desire for more information. Usually, the minute we ask for more information, we get it. It's simple, really. We can either wonder about what's going on with the other person, create our own stories about it, or inform ourselves by asking.
As we balance our chakras, especially our heart and throat chakras, we can come from a place of non-judgment and truly communicate our feelings without anger and arguing, which is such a waste of our energy.
When your partner or spouse yells at you, or expresses anger for no apparent reason, do you internalize it and feel you're somehow at fault?
Someone I counsel was recently having this problem and I asked her, "Have you asked what is going on with him, rather than wondering if his anger is really about you?"
Often, the people in our lives respond in ways that simply baffle us. In such situations, we may think, "He's so unreasonable." "He must have had a bad day at work." Or we have a tendency to tell a story about what we think was behind the other person's action. We spend a tremendous amount of energy wondering what the other person was thinking, blaming him, and feeling, sad, hurt, angry, and resentful. I have seen people in pain for years because they never took a moment to ask for clarity.
I suggest a new process from a method called Non Violent Communications. Engage your curiosity by asking what is going on with the other person. For example, "You know, when you expressed your anger just now, I felt baffled. I'd like to know what exactly what is going on." Notice that this statement doesn't place blame on either party. It simply expresses your confusion and your desire for more information. Usually, the minute we ask for more information, we get it. It's simple, really. We can either wonder about what's going on with the other person, create our own stories about it, or inform ourselves by asking.
As we balance our chakras, especially our heart and throat chakras, we can come from a place of non-judgment and truly communicate our feelings without anger and arguing, which is such a waste of our energy.
