Becca, I've done nothing but argue with my partner, even after a romantic Valentine's Day. Any advice?
Screaming Throat Chakra

Dear Screaming,
Of course, I believe in balancing your chakras so that you feel secure, compassionate, loving and in tune with your own feelings and those of others.

Another tool that is important is just LISTENING. The door to cooperation opens when everyone’s feelings and needs are understood, spoken and heard. But the key to opening that door is listening.

Practice listening to what other people actually mean (regardless of their words), and to express your desires in ways that are more likely to be heard and met. This happens when you are in touch with your feelings and needs and able to express them through an open Throat Chakra.

Try expressing your feelings and thoughts with honesty, even in the midst of uncomfortable emotions or conflict.

Listening empathically to yourself and others is the first skill to master, and Compassionate Communications (also known as Non-Violent Communications or NVC) can help.

NVC teaches to simply listen with our minds and hearts open to whatever is being shared and to say what we think we're hearing. When you listen, understand and reflect back to a person the essence of what they said, they often can hear themselves more clearly and light up with relief and joy.

It's also important to listen to your own inner self, because we’re not always aware of exactly what is going on inside of us. Underneath painful emotions, there is often some part of us that wants to be known. Listen to my guided Chakra Meditations to connect to your feelings and center yourself, then try expressing yourself and your needs in a calm and centered way.

For more info on NVC, see www.nonviolentcommunication.com. For courses and products you can access from your home or office computer, check out www.nvctraining.com.

Namaste!
Becca Chopra, author of The Chakra Diaries

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said."

When your partner or spouse yells at you, or expresses anger for no apparent reason, do you internalize it and feel you're somehow at fault?

Someone I counsel was recently having this problem and I asked her, "Have you asked what is going on with him, rather than wondering if his anger is really about you?"

Often, the people in our lives respond in ways that simply baffle us.  In such situations, we may think, "He's so unreasonable." "He must have had a bad day at work." Or we have a tendency to tell a story about what we think was behind the other person's action. We spend a tremendous amount of energy wondering what the other person was thinking, blaming him, and feeling, sad, hurt, angry, and resentful. I have seen people in pain for years because they never took a moment to ask for clarity.

I suggest a new process from a method called Non Violent Communications. Engage your curiosity by asking what is going on with the other person. For example, "You know, when you expressed your anger just now, I felt baffled. I'd like to know what exactly what is going on." Notice that this statement doesn't place blame on either party. It simply expresses your confusion and your desire for more information. Usually, the minute we ask for more information, we get it. It's simple, really. We can either wonder about what's going on with the other person, create our own stories about it, or inform ourselves by asking.

As we balance our chakras, especially our heart and throat chakras, we can come from a place of non-judgment and truly communicate our feelings without anger and arguing, which is such a waste of our energy.

I like to take a positive approach, and talk about ways to strengthen and heal relationships. But, an ounce of prevention....

If you want a happy relationship, forgo these actions:
1. Blame and Criticize
This probably tops them all! Instead, praise what you like, and you'll get more of it. Criticize and your partner will shut down. Hasn't blame and criticism aimed in your direction had the same effect?

2. Deny Responsibility for Your Actions
It's related to blame in that you get to point your finger at someone else or at an entity such as an organization. Increase your personal power and take responsibility for your own choices - that's all you have control over.

3. Order People Around
Any joy the other person might have had in doing something for you is instantly lost when they're told to do it.

4. Threaten People
When others think they may be punished or have something taken away as a result of not doing things your way, this sets the platform for lying, cheating, conniving, manipulation, crime and other horrific things.

Hopefully, you'll forgo these four "relationship busters" and find ways to feel good about yourself (and in control) while also spreading good feelings around.

If you want tools to enhance your relationships, I wholeheartedly recommend Nonviolent Communication (NVC) - a powerful process that facilitates trust, openness and optimism and inspires people to work together in genuine partnership.

Learning NVC is fun, informative, and engaging. Take a look at all the great tools available at http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/freeresources/resources.htm

Like the characters in The Chakra Diaries, I hope you find and keep love in your life.
Namaste!
Becca Chopra