Relationship experts and Huna philosophers all think blame and criticism is the #1 reason why relationships fail. Most couples split up, family members stop talking or business partnerships fail because one or both of the parties gets tired of being blamed or criticized.

What is the best and quickest way to stop it?

When you're blaming someone, what you're really doing is pointing the finger at them and saying "Hah! It's your fault. You're wrong." Then, that person typically comes back and says, "No, it's your fault..." and this can go on in an endless loop.

To radically shift out of a blaming consciousness in 1 minute or less, try this tip from Gay & Katie Hendricks:

When you catch yourself starting to blame or you're having critical thoughts about your partner or colleague, make a pleasant "Hmmm...." sound. And what this does is it shifts you out of your "critical" brain into your "wonder" brain.

So, you can say to yourself, "Hmmm... I wonder what I could learn from this." Or "Hmmm... I wonder how I'm contributing to this situation."

When you do this from a place of sincere wonder, then an immediate change takes place in your connection with the person you were previously blaming or criticizing.

Try this the next time you have a critical thought, and watch real miracles open up in your relationships! And of course, work on keeping your heart chakra open to love and compassion - listen to my free Chakra Meditation at www.thechakras.org.
Namaste! Becca Chopra, author of The Chakra Diaries

Thanks, Becca, for your recent post on being in the moment, the only time one can experience happiness. Any other suggestions?
Miss-step

Dear Missy,
Having just finished a Hawaii Health Getaway on "The Art of Stress Management," I would first of all suggest lowering your stress level. Excess stress can put a damper on even the best conditions and create tension in your body that can lead to pain, and excess cortisol levels that can lead to a host of health problems. Therefore, if you're in a state of chronic stress, it's much more difficult to enjoy life. Find a stress-reliever you can incorporate into your life on a daily basis, e.g., deep abdominal breathing, yoga, meditation, relaxing in nature, and finding time to nurture yourself.

On the physical level, keep yourself healthy, an important criteria for happiness. Explore healthier nutrition, as well as a green lifestyle where you are not exposed to the toxic chemicals in fragrance products, household cleaners, pesticides, etc.  Despite the ad claims, these chemicals can cause depression and damage your nervous system and skew your hormone levels. Choose natural alternatives whenever possible.

If you feel emotional stress, let go of any anger about the past or fear about the future.

If you feel mental stress, give up criticism of yourself, and anyone or anything else. Focus on what you like, what you love, what does make you happy and ignore the rest.

On the spiritual level, find a purpose or meaning to your life. People are generally happier when they're living a life of meaning. Perhaps volunteer to a cause that you believe in - whether you have the time or money to donate to a cause, there are so many in need around the world, so many organizations with worthwhile goals.

Namaste!
Becca Chopra, author of The Chakra Diaries

I like to take a positive approach, and talk about ways to strengthen and heal relationships. But, an ounce of prevention....

If you want a happy relationship, forgo these actions:
1. Blame and Criticize
This probably tops them all! Instead, praise what you like, and you'll get more of it. Criticize and your partner will shut down. Hasn't blame and criticism aimed in your direction had the same effect?

2. Deny Responsibility for Your Actions
It's related to blame in that you get to point your finger at someone else or at an entity such as an organization. Increase your personal power and take responsibility for your own choices - that's all you have control over.

3. Order People Around
Any joy the other person might have had in doing something for you is instantly lost when they're told to do it.

4. Threaten People
When others think they may be punished or have something taken away as a result of not doing things your way, this sets the platform for lying, cheating, conniving, manipulation, crime and other horrific things.

Hopefully, you'll forgo these four "relationship busters" and find ways to feel good about yourself (and in control) while also spreading good feelings around.

If you want tools to enhance your relationships, I wholeheartedly recommend Nonviolent Communication (NVC) - a powerful process that facilitates trust, openness and optimism and inspires people to work together in genuine partnership.

Learning NVC is fun, informative, and engaging. Take a look at all the great tools available at http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/freeresources/resources.htm

Like the characters in The Chakra Diaries, I hope you find and keep love in your life.
Namaste!
Becca Chopra